The Scars We Hide and Those We Don’t

Allow me to ask you a question:  Have you ever heard the words “What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger”?

This famous saying comes from the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, who wrote in his 1888 book Twilight of the Idols.

What Doesn’t Kill You, Makes You Stronger Meaning: What Does It Mean? – English Study Online

Although I’ve spent many years in Germany, I was unaware.

As a product of the Civil Rights Movement and a Baby Boomer, I grew up with parents who didn’t believe in sparing the rod.

There are various versions of Proverbs 13:24, tied to sparing the rod depending on how you feel; I’m sure one of them suits you best.

Proverbs 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.

Today, we know that what happens to children who misbehave or do not listen to their parents is different from what it was in the past.

I don’t consider myself someone who misbehaved, but someone who obviously didn’t understand what I was told to do.

Sometimes I took those whippings for the team.

I recently burned myself about a month ago, taking something out of the oven. The burn was not visible on the front of my arm, but on the back of my forearm, which was hidden from those approaching me from the front.

Although I didn’t see the scar until two days later, I felt it for days after the event.

As I think about the scars we hide, I’m always concerned about the scars we don’t see.

Just like my burn that showed up after the fact. I didn’t see it right off; it took it forming properly for me to see it.

Every day, when I walk into places like Walmart or other places where I must navigate past people, I look at their faces.

Each person has a different façade they bring to the marketplace.

Granted, I didn’t grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth and have lived all over the world after my high school graduation.

It was in those lessons of understanding responsibility, where my parents, who didn’t believe in sparing the rod if one of my siblings got hurt or I didn’t obey, helped make me stronger.

There is a time and a place for everything, and luckily, I had great mentors in the military who shared their wisdom.

But what about our youth today- who’s giving them the guidance and wisdom required to be more disciplined in life?

Many years ago, I was required to study Sigmund Freud as part of my Clinical Mental Health Counseling program to understand the Id, Ego, and Superego.

Maybe that is why the scars we hide and those we don’t are what my unconscious mind is thinking about today.

Freud’s Theory of the Unconscious Mind: The Iceberg Analogy

We don’t know what the surface is until we trigger something, and then it’s up to us to react either in the Id, ego, or superego.

One of the things I’m most proud of is my patience as I write in my journal when I need to exercise better self-control.

Although I know the scars that I had to go through to get to a point in my life, many don’t see the scars because there’s an analogy of not keeping good records of bad things that resonates within me.

Don’t Keep Records of Bad Things – Mckinleys

This week is my reminder that “The Scars We Hide and Those We Don’t” are real, and it’s a matter of letting go of things that can rob you of your joy.

Frank Sinatra has said, “Don’t hide your scars. They make you who you are.”

All those people whom I see with frowns on their faces that I mentioned in places such as Walmart or other places where I must navigate past people, this is why I look at their faces.

“Live your life in such a way that you’ll be remembered for your kindness, compassion, fairness, character, benevolence, and a force for good who had much respect for life, in general.”  ― Germany Kent

“No matter how dysfunctional your background, how broke or broken you are, where you are today, or what anyone else says, YOU MATTER, and your life matters!”  ― Germany Kent

Today, I challenge you to put a smile on your face, because someone else is in a worse shape than you.

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What Makes Our Leadership Development Coaching Different from the Rest?

I spent 30 years in active-duty service, leading soldiers through some of the most demanding environments imaginable. When I retired, I carried a second title into civilian life as a GS-13 in federal service, closing out that chapter on January 31, 2019, after 14 more years of leading people toward mission success. Folks around here know me as McKinley, but most call me Charlie Mike — CM for short, a term that in military circles means "continue mission." That's exactly what I've done since hanging up the uniform: continued the mission of building better leaders, one person and one organization at a time.

Real Experience, Not Just Theory

There's no shortage of coaching programs out there promising to transform your team overnight. What sets my approach apart is simple — I've actually lived it. For three decades, I was responsible for the readiness, morale, and performance of people whose decisions had real consequences. I didn't learn leadership from a textbook; I learned it in the field, under pressure, and through 44 combined years of watching what works and what doesn't. When you work with a Leadership Development Coach who has genuinely led at every level, from junior soldiers to senior leadership, you get insight that's grounded in experience rather than theory alone.

A Program Built Around the Whole Leader

My coaching isn't a one-size-fits-all seminar. I structure development around the real skills leaders need to succeed: emotional intelligence, conflict resolution, performance measurement, team building, communication, resiliency, and crisis leadership. Each module is designed to meet leaders exactly where they are, whether they're a first-time supervisor or an executive steering a large organization. As a certified Maxwell Leadership coach, trainer, and speaker, I blend proven leadership frameworks with the discipline and adaptability I developed through military and civil service. That combination is rare, and it's what allows me to speak to both the technical side of leadership and the human side — because leadership, at its core, is about people.

Coaching That's Personal, Not Generic

Too many leadership programs treat every client the same way. I don't. Every organization has its own culture, its own challenges, and its own definition of success. My coaching sessions, workshops, and mastermind groups are built around your specific goals, whether that's improving conflict resolution among your team, sharpening decision-making under pressure, or developing the next generation of leaders inside your company. I take the time to understand where you are and where you want to go, then I build a plan to get you there — not a generic slideshow, but a genuine partnership focused on measurable growth.

Accountability Rooted in Discipline

If there's one thing three decades of service taught me, it's accountability. I don't just deliver a workshop and walk away. I check in, I follow up, and I hold the people I coach to the standards they set for themselves. That's what a serious Leadership Development Coach should do — stay engaged in your progress long after the initial session ends. Growth doesn't happen in a single meeting; it happens through consistent reinforcement, honest feedback, and a coach who is invested in your long-term success, not just a one-time transaction.

Leadership That Rises Above the Noise

My philosophy is straightforward: rise above your limits. Whether I'm coaching an individual working through a career transition, training a corporate team on communication and productivity, or speaking to a room full of professionals about resilience, the goal is always the same — equip people with the tools to lead with confidence, clarity, and purpose. That's not a marketing slogan for me. It's the same standard I held myself to in uniform and in federal service, and it's the standard I bring to every client relationship today.

If your organization is ready to move beyond generic training and invest in leadership development that's built on real experience, genuine accountability, and a track record of results, let's talk. Reach out today at (706) 627-4863 to schedule a consultation, and let's start building the kind of leaders your team can count on — because the mission continues, and I'm ready to help you lead it forward.

FAQ’s (Frequently Asked Questions)

1. What does a leadership development coach do?

A leadership development coach works one-on-one (or with teams) to help leaders build specific capabilities — self-awareness, decision-making, communication, and the ability to navigate change — through structured, on-going sessions rather than a single presentation.

2. What are the 5 C's of leadership development?

There's no single universally agreed-upon version of the "5 C's," but the most commonly cited framework centers on Character, Competence, Communication, Courage, and Compassion.

3. What is the 70-20-10 rule for leadership development?

The 70-20-10 rule is a learning framework developed by researchers at the Center for Creative Leadership, based on decades of studying how executives actually learn to lead. The model calls for 70% of development to come from on-the-job learning, 20% from coaching and mentoring, and 10% from formal classroom training.

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Faith

Today, I’m reflecting on the word’s faith the size of a mustard seed.

What is it that we believe?

It’s not so much about the various faiths we belong to. it’s about the things we put our faith in every day.

Recently, my doorbell rang, and to my surprise, there were about four other couples, all elderly black women and men, walking the neighborhood.

The opening question I was asked is “How am I dealing with the current situation in the world, with all that continues to divide us?”

It was an open question that I felt the need to ask them to come inside for a minute and offer them some water.

Little did I know my faith and knowledge were tested by what they both presented to me under Mosaic law and what I believed after going through the book of Galatians and the new covenant.

As a person of faith and somewhat familiar with the Bible, we talked about the new covenant under Jesus rather than Moses.

Although it was truly a learning experience for all, they wanted to come back and visit, which I said yes to if I were home again when they rang my doorbell.

This got me thinking about how faith can plant a seed in a ministry as they walked the neighborhood expressing their faith to others.

Today, each of us puts our faith in many different things.

We want our children to see our faith in us as we practice living a life filled with grace and mercy.

I’m aware we should all be a living letter as stated in the Bible.

“Are we beginning to commend ourselves again? Or do we need, like some, letters of recommendation to you or from you? 2 You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everyone. 3 You show that you are Christ’s letter, delivered[a] by us, not written with ink but with the Spirit of the living God—not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.”

2 Corinthians 3-4 CSB – Living Letters – Are we beginning to – Bible Gateway

In life, we sometimes take things for granted and accept them as they are.

One of my responses to the Jehovah’s Witnesses team was that it’s the same God today as it was yesterday.

I was pleased to see that faith works in mysterious ways, as President Trump’s bill (the Save America Act) didn’t pass, with four Republicans voting against it.

This is not the first time we have had senators from President Donald Trump’s party join Democrats.

If you recall, it was his “One Big Beautiful Bill,” which narrowly passed the upper chamber with a tie-breaking vote from Vice President J.D. Vance.

We saw this with four Republicans joining Democrats in the House vote to rein in Trump’s Iran war powers.

I often wonder what families are saying to their children, or what others are thinking out loud, when going against the norm, as we witnessed this past week.

I’m also thinking about what happened this past weekend at the Hilton Garden Inn Montgomery – East Chase in Montgomery, AL, which I couldn’t attend, based on other commitments, was our 53rd Biennial Gulf Coast District Junior Conference, sponsored by the Knights of Peter Claver and Ladies Auxiliary.

I’m reminded of the phrase as we help our children grow in faith.  “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Many of the Junior Knights and Junior Daughters, when they reach the age of 18, officially join the Knights of Peter Claver and the Ladies Auxiliary.

Proverbs 22:6 – Bible Gateway

I must believe that people will do the right thing for the right reason.

I read a quote from Max Lucado that says, “Faith is not the belief that God will do what you want.  It is the belief that God will do what is right.”

That is faith within itself.

I’m sure also that many who watched the price of gas go down this week had faith it wouldn’t go any higher.

This past Friday, I also received an email from one of my Catholic Brother Knights in Georgia, stating that one of our Brother Knights was receiving his last rites from the Priest.

Four hours later, I received another call saying that he had passed away.

It’s that faith I wonder about as well when we know death is imminent.

Each of us has taken the faith when we seek employment for the right job, and the faith that we will find another job when the employer decides to let us go.

I’ll wrap this up by saying that I never relented my faith when the family hadn’t heard from my older sister, and the relief it was when she appeared two years later.

Yes, we must have faith in the size of a mustard seed in times like these.

I’m a firm believer that everything is temporary.

Finally, just like the farmer who continues to plant his corn and cotton fields around me each year, he has faith that his crops will grow.

The farmer can’t see the seed working and must have faith in the process.

When I planted my yearly Mexican Roses a month ago, I could not see the roots taking hold until two weeks later, with little green sprouts popping through the soil.

Last year, one Rose appeared; this year, there is a 100% difference this year, with everything popping through the soil.

It is faith that it’s the same God yesterday as it is tomorrow.

Faith is believing in what you cannot see and trusting in what you hope for.

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” — Hebrews 11:1

“For nothing will be impossible with God.” — Luke 1:37

Today, take a moment and reflect on your faith. What’s your faith story running in the background of your mind that you tell yourself today, that you are leaving to all mighty?

Blog source: https://mckinleysthoughts.com/faith/

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